Each of us has, at some point of time in our lives, received life advice from our personal life-coaches – parents, siblings, teachers, mentors, kids, the vegetable vendor or the stranger sitting on the adjacent seat on the flight. Something that moved you, changed you or made a difference to your perspective forever. India Pages brings to you these slices of life, shared by people from all walks of life … Writers, Photographers, Artists, Television Producers, Hands-on mommies, Entrepreneurs and Engineers …. Meet Lovely Kukreja
When we get too close to someone we idolise, funnily, we see their flaws first…
It’s little hard for me to say all this, which I’ve never shared with anyone till date, Also, while it was the worst thing that happened to me, it evenually turned out to be the best advice in life by my mentor Mr. Suresh Digwal.
I was so attached and devoted to my mentor and one day he said to me “Don’t come too close that I can’t see you properly. Your image will definitely get blurred”. I did really not get what he was saying, until it actually happened.
It was 8 years ago when I put myself in the jeopardised situation of getting sacked from the organization. It was post-recession and companies were justified in doing so.
Sitting idle at home and looking out for jobs was completely alien to me. In such a scenario, I was so scared and kept hoping that that “It should not happen to me… not right now, at least.”
This impatient behaviour (and fear) led me to ask… or I should say force my mentor hire me on a vacant position in his organization. I felt so lucky to get to join immediately after my farewell from the earlier place. Although I had been suitably warned and advised by my mentor not to work under him, I paid no heed. He clearly said to me “You would not be able to get that amount of love, support which you’ve been receiving from me, so far. Also you will never be pampered. Because it happens if you come too close to your loved ones you get out of focus very easily.”
It seems little contradictory, when we talk about unconditional love or existing as one soul in two bodies. But logically… it turned out true that having a safe distance from the ones you want to stay with, till your last breath is essential. Space…
As I was excitedly moving along with the new job, my happiness vanished as quickly as it was presented to me on a silver platter, with minimal efforts. It was literally a nightmare coming true.
I know it now, but then I could not understand what made it a terrible experience for me to work under the instructions of my mentor, when for a disciple it is always a dream coming true.
My expectations of getting special attention, rewards and focus got vanished. The reason was that I began to expect too much from him as big brother who had always showered his blessings and wiped my tears. I had forgotten that now I am just a resource for him to use. I no longer held any rights to poke him at any time of the day or night, just to ask him what I should choose between “Cobalt Blue” and “Aquatic Blue”.
When we get too close to someone we idolise, funnily, we see their flaws first… rather than the enigma we are in awe of. For an instance, If we are too close to a person’s face we see a single pockmark first, instead of the ideal and photogenic face-cut they have. It is like when things are too close to the camera lens, they often get out of focus and appear blurred in the photograph. They also have a name for this phenomenon – “Depth of field” I am sure photographers will totally relate to it.
I learned my lesson the tough way I guess… by living through every bit of it!
So, all I can do is just forward this simple yet profound advice by my mentor and its experience lived by me – ‘Have some breathing space in every relationship’
Let your relationship nurture itself in that particular space. In order to keep it interesting, we have to keep some distance and mystery in anything. This goes for every aspect of life.